Be Loving

Be loving.  That was Rem’s advice to me when I was leaving the house to accompany my parents to a medical appointment.

The previous day they had met with the oncologist to learn the results of my dad’s recent PET scan.  Sadly, the news is not good.  The cancer, originally in his esophagus has spread to his lungs. Future treatment will be palliative.  We were all distraught and trying to come to grips with this information.

Rem saw that I was anxious; worried about my folks and distressed about the news.  He gave me a hug and said “be loving”.  It was exactly what I needed to hear and gave me comfort as I went out the door.

We all need to lean on each other, especially in difficult times.  We need to be as loving as possible and cut each other some slack.  Right now I’m trying to be as supportive, loving, strong and comforting as I can to my parents, my siblings and extended family.  I also love to make my dad laugh and I’m delighted when I do.

My friends have been compassionate, caring and generous.  They give me hugs and listen when I need to talk, hold me when I need to cry and strive to make sure I’m taking care of myself.

One dear friend touched me deeply with the loan of her beloved Lambie.  Lambie sits on our bed and sometimes at night I rub one of her ears between my fingers, finding comfort both in the soft fabric and in the tenderness of my friend’s gesture.

The women I sing with with, of the Threshold Choir, have sung beautiful songs on behalf of my dad, my mom and my whole family.  At rehearsal, where we sing with our chairs in a circle, we have a practice of giving songs to those who want them.  A reclining chair is in the middle of the circle and the person receiving the song lies down in the chair.

With women surrounding you, the a cappella singing is like a warm blanket of music. I often feel as if I’m floating on the sound and I sink into it gratefully, tears welling up and spilling over in a completely safe and supportive atmosphere.  The wisdom, love and understanding of these friends has been a blessing.

We really don’t know what the future holds.  Heartache and suffering but also conversations, music, walking the dog,  joy and laughter.  If we can be loving it will only help.

7 Comments

Filed under Life

7 responses to “Be Loving

  1. Really a lovely post, Dianne. Our thoughts and prayers are with you all.

  2. It sounds to me like you’re doing everything right and doing it exactly as you should…letting your emotions go wherever they need to and being in this present moment…I TRULY feel for you. Even though I didn’t have YOUR Dad, I did have MY Mom and I know EXACTLY what is going on in your head and your heart right now. it sounds like you have PERFECT people guiding you and holding you…that in itself, is an amazing thing.
    You’re gonna be OK – I promise. With much love Dianne…always here with an open heart if you ever need it~

  3. Tracy

    Dianne, I’m so sorry to hear about your news. You are indeed doing everything “right”, if that’s possible. Be loving, and be loved, too. Long distance hugs to you.

  4. Thank you for the warm, loving and supportive comments. I really appreciate all of them and all of you.

  5. Clare Borries

    You are doing everything right and I say this from experience. I remember once when you were telling me about the singing you did as a group. I can only imagine your dad loving it. If there’s anything I can do or if you just want to walk and talk please call me. I am with you in spirit 100%.
    Love,
    Clare

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